This little feast for the eyes immediately brought to mind a box of Neopolitan ice cream…you know, three different flavors sandwich stacked, one on top of the next. Maybe there’s a Neopolitan School of Architecture era I missed?

Author Anais Nin once said, “We don’t see things as they are, we see things as we are.” Presuming that’s true, I’ve got a serious case of commitment phobia. And schizophrenia.

I know “variety is the spice of life,” but that doesn’t mean it’s wise to ask for a 12 when the waiter at India Garden gives you the hot-scale options of 1-10.

What’s Wrong with this Picture?

Best guess is that the only material that would have originally graced this facade are the fish scale shingles at the top–though I’m confounded by the board through which the small octagonal window was installed.

Didn’t realize bay windows come in le petit sizing… and someone please tell me what in the world is happening on the right side of this structure? After 10 full minutes of staring and shaking my head, I’m no closer to an answer. (I’ll blame it on the schizophrenia.) The ‘porch,’ if we can call it that: in yet another mismatched material, and doesn’t have the decency to even try to look symmetrical. No amount of squinting has helped me make the two front doors look even.

Like one of my acting teachers often said when she didn’t want to tell someone they sucked: “It’s a choice.”

Possible Remedies: Do-Over! Return to life as a single family dwelling, remove the ‘stone work,’ can the brick ‘porch,’ replace front door with something sturdier than that of a port-o-let and tear off whatever this weirdness is on the right hand portion of the picture. Replace windows with appropriate materials and scaling. And I’m sure a whole slew of other stuff…

Located: 27th Street